Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Anxiety...
I don't know why but I have been so full of anxiety lately. Maybe, it's Josh coming home, maybe I'm about ready to start, but I have been so emotional. I feel all this tension in my chest. I wish I could just shake it away. I'm hoping that once Josh is home it will go away. But then I will know that just in a few days I will have to say good bye again. And good byes are the worst. I'm so selfish...I want Josh to be able to see his family. But I don't want to share him. I want to keep him all to myself the whole time he is here. Josh's dad has decided to fly his sister Char out here the last day Josh is here. Which means the last day I am going to have to share him with all his family. And it infuriates me. When his dad had first mention it to me, I told him that I don't think it's a good idea. Josh has even told me that he wants to spend all his time with Aivan and I. But I know he feels guilty and will feel like he has to see them. Which is fine a day or two, but I know it's going to be more. Then his dad wants Josh to go meet the men from his church that he has praying for him. I can't even answer the phone when his dad calls bc I know it's going to be another plan. I have even told his dad, that I don't want to share him. That I want him to get to know Aivan. To experience all the wonderful things there are to having a baby. Hell, all Josh had with Aivan was a month, the first month. And I know we are going to be on the go the whole time. I feel bad bc I have been so angry at Josh's dad that when I talk to Josh I almost take it out on him. I don't know what to do. I guess I DO know where my anxiety is coming from. Now that I have taken the time to spill my guts I know where all my stress is coming from. I think I'm allowed to be selfish, right? I guess all I need to do is be thankful for whatever time I have with him. I just hope I don't explode while he's here from holding it all in. OR maybe, I should lock him inside and turn off the phones and not answer the doors and hold him hostage with us. lol Seriously, I would love to do that.... I'm so mean. Well, wish me good luck on not exploding :)
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ok im goin to die i typed a way long thing on here and it didnt go thru lol..here is the bottomline..lol..josh has his own family now and his parents shuld respect tht and understnd his main concern rite nw i aivan and u of course...ya have a day with them but its not fair for them to b takin all his time...he should have talk with them ahead of time and let thm knw the situation its his job its his fam..like if u guys hd an issue with ur parents ud b the one to talk to them....i will tell u more tonite lol
ReplyDeleteoh i hear ya girl! i have many problems with the inlaws (and we're not even married yet!). his mom would wanna take charge like that too, and it would probably make my blood boil as usual. hopefully it doesn't ruin your time with him. however, in all fairness, josh is their aivan. they're probably just so excited to see him. and though i think the church thing is a little much, i think they're just proud and want to show him off. i'm totally not trying to take their side, i'm kinda anti-in law right now! i don't think they should try to plan his whole trip home. but just keep in mind that you guys are moving away together in the fall (which will come faster than you think) and you'll have him all to yourself.
ReplyDeleteps - i dated military for 5 years and it is ROUGH! props to you for marrying into it! but josh probably has enough on his mind, i think fighting about something that you probably can't change while he's home will be hard on both of you guys. hence - your anxiety, drink a beer (or 3)!
Thanks girls!! I understand both parts. I know if it were Aivan I would want to see him as much as possible too. But Josh's dad just called (again)!! and i didn't answer but his vm let me know that he is trying to make another plan for him....wonderful. Aren't inlaws the best! lol I think if his dad didn't call me so much i would be fine. but he drives me CRAZY!! I'm just going to let josh decide what he wants to do when he gets here. and go with the flow. bc i'm pretty sure once he is here, he's going to let his dad know what's up. lol and I am going to drink about 5 beers!!!! haha. Also, true about having him all to myself here very soon. I will keep that it mind when I get angry and selfish.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to see you tonight Camille!!!